D (decision) Day - 23rd March to 12th April

I feel a bit subdued today and my  friendly shrink seemed to think so too.

The results of the scan don't look as promising as I had hoped - although I'm no expert.

My right hip seems increasingly uncomfortable and I'm beginning to feel that the exercising is having a detrimental effect.

Mias seems to think I should view the whole episode as a turning point in my lifestyle.

I'm not ready to do that just yet.

My stay in the hospital may end up being just a little longer than I had hoped - but at about six weeks - its in line with the doctors original prognosis.

Yes!

Finally made it into the wheelchair today.

It took some doing.

Amelia (physio) basically had to give me a bear hug and lift me from the bed to the chair. I have to say it was pretty nerve wracking. You have to place your entire trust (and your broken, un-cooperative body) into the hands of another. Managed to sit in it for around 45 mins and Rachel and I went for a quick spin around the hospital.

Painful now though. I'll be taking my tablets early and asking for more later.

A good day though, and its Wednesday, so its Springbok pie and chips today...and another small beer to celebrate.

Thursday and Friday I find myself alternating between the chair and the bed, gradually increasing my time in the chair. Managed a couple of hours now.

Mission Impassable


I head down to the end of the corridor to do a recce on the disabled toilets and shower.

Another milestone is on the cards.

Its a big ask for now; but if I can get on to a commode - its a step away from the bedpan and a huge tick in a box. If I can manage the transfer - I'll be in the chair for when the guys come in tonight.

Sat 26th

SHOWER!

Something else too.- Healing seems to be coming on in a spurt. The bites are virtually cleared up, although the spider bites will leave fairly large scars. We're going to see if I can get some fresh clothes on and sneak out for a pizza later. The guys and girls are in town and I've got my new wheels!...

1030hrs - Fully dressed.

Underwear and everything.

There's a first. I think just about every visitor to the room over the last four weeks has seen more than their fare share of my privates. I needed help with the socks but the rest was just a sort of wriggling and squirming exercise.

Lunchtime arrives and in comes Amelia with a new walking frame. Gripped with trepidation I take my first tentative steps. I push on and manage perhaps 15-20 metres before finally slumping into the wheelchair that she's bringing along behind me. We chat for a while and then Amelia reveals that the was actually a Captain in the South African Defence Force. Paramedics.

I enjoy pizza, wine and beer with the guys tonight. The doc got wind of my plans to escape and ordered a lock down, so I had to phone the guys and get them to bring the pizza and beers to the hospital.
Whilst flicking through the TV stations I actually find a radio station playing non-stop Sinatra. Surreal. They are coming in again tomorrow and it will be the last I see of most of them.

Sunday 27th.

TOILET!

Joy of joys. Bed bath and bed pan are history.

I'm almost ready.

Once around the ward today with the frame and I'm temporarily dispensing with the wheelchair. The doctor will be consulting my physio's today and if they're all in agreement - I will be out in a day or so. I've stopped using the monkey bar over the bed too. I don't have one on the outside so its good practice.

Some of the nurses are still trying to teach me a little Oshivambo, Herero and Damara. Amelia is doing her best to just speak to me in Afrikaans, but I'm pretty crap at that and she gives in!

Tuesday 29th march

RELEASED!

Looks like a 3 week follow up with the doctor and more x-rays. I'm not writing anymore today - too busy catching up with my life, woohoo!

Weds 30th

My first whole day of "resting" and I've overdone it already. Spent the day racing around the house with my new zimmer frame like a kid with a new toy. Ended up heading down to the beach for a bit of a party BBQ to watch the river break through to the sea. Thursday afternoon now and I've been knackered all day;- can hardly walk or even hold this pen.

Sunday 3rd April

Naughty.

Hobbling around the house without the frame. Speed is the key. Swelling still very slow to go down. Just about on the last of my meds now. The blood thinners finish today the the iron tablets to pump up my red blood cells will last a couple more days.

I've decided to head back to the UK early. Its against the advice of the local doctor, but mt UK consultants are going to send out a nurse to accompany me home. I was hoping I could hold off a while and then have my dear friend Ellie come out from the UK to accompany me back. Would have been great to have her in Swakop for a couple of days.

Things are moving fast now. So fast that I haven't had the chance to say goodbye to my physiotherapists. I was particularly taken with Marieke. I was hoping to ask her out to dinner once I'd left hospital but both our circumstances lead to that not going to happen. Maybe next time - but under happier circumstances I hope.

The next few days see me pottering around the garden at Rachel and Jo's place. Jo's managed to trash the Africa Twin again so we're working on some new panels. He's prepping the Toyota for a trip up into Zambia and Mozambique too.

Friday 8th

Clubbing!!

Friday is Kucki's and Gruner Kranz night.

Once every fortnight we head back into town and party at the end of our two week project. Clearly - I've some catching up to do. We head down to the Tiger Reef bar for a few drinks before joining up at Kucki's for a meal. Then comes the challenge. Onto Swakopmund's main event,- Friday night at Gruner Kranz. It always involves some pretty heavy drinking and a lot of dancing 'til the early hours.

Today is no exception and there's no way I'm letting my condition (or my walking frame) get in the way of a good time. My flights are confirmed for Tuesday and this is the last weekend I will see Ange, Neil and some of the guys. Typically, I've met some brand new friends too and I shall be sad to say goodbye to them without having the chance to get to know them a little better. Annabelle - you were such a breath of fresh air, and a joy to be with. There's so much more I want to know. See you again soon hopefully ;-)

Copious amounts of cider, beer and Captain Morgan's are consumed,- and with my pain suitably numbed - I find myself up on the dance floor. Jumping up and down and generally destroying any hopes of a rapid recovery.

I'm like jelly on Saturday morning.

Monday brings Nurse Vikki

Vikki has been sent from the UK to bring me home safely. DVT is always a worry in the background, and she will be monitoring my stats and generally assisting my passage through the airports in the wheelchair etc. We're upgraded of course. A bit about that later

Monday also brings the goodbyes.

Some I shall miss terribly. Its been incredibly frustrating to have come out here to do a job,- only to be such an incredible burden after just four weeks. A huge debt of thanks goes to Rachel and Jo, who have rescued me in so many ways.

Angela, Neil, Jess; I shall miss you all greatly. Group one set the tone and the benchmark by which all others would be judged. I shall miss you all.

Stuart, Irena, Tristan, Angela, Aviva, Claudia, Rito, Steffi, Karen, Becky, Sybil, Hannah and Bobby. Great work guys, and great friendships made. Some of you are particularly special to me. I wont embarrass anyone with names. You all have a place in my heart.

Nikki, Nicola, Maria, Jake, Kevin and Isaak...I hope you are all well.

Aled, Ricardo, Ursula, and Mark, our time together was so short, and came to an abrupt and shocking end. I hope you are not disturbed by it.

Annabelle and Lisalotte, our time was all too short. When I am fit and well I shall be heading into Europe on my motorbike. If you are not back in Africa by then - I hope to catch up with you.

Stuart and Irena; I would love to ride through to Norway - but I fear that might be bit too much for me. We parted with such promises and expectations, I truly hope we shall meet again.

And so to Neil, Angela, Karen and Jess.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times"....

I hope these final few words find you all safe and well, and to blatantly steal your closing line Neil,- I hope to see you all again someday - on the wild side.

The Ethical Hedonist - EHRA from onethreemedia on Vimeo.

12 days later,...13,14,15...22.

Its the 12th March.

Awake around 0330hrs.

Restless again.

Night time in the hospital is pretty rough. For the first few nights they'd fitted a catheter so pissing wasnt really an issue.

Five hours or so laid out in the desert meant that I was pretty dehydrated. They stuck a drip in for that.

Pain was pretty bad. They stuck a drip in for that too.

Not sure what the flow rate was on these drips, but one thing was for sure, I was pissing for England. After a few days they took the catheter out for fear of infection. I got a bottle hooked on the side of the bed and I was filling it twice a night. This meant calling a nurse to empty it - and hoping they would remember to bring another (sometimes they didnt).

The morning routine was relentless too. Much the same for everyday - here's Fridays;

0515hrs   Nurse checks in to monitor pain levels
0518hrs   Tea arrives
0540hrs   Begin physio (15mins each leg)
0555hrs   Medication arrives
0600hrs   Blood pressure, temperature and sats
0830hrs   Breakfast
0845hrs   Doctor
0848hrs   Bed bath and sheets change


Tuesday 15th March

1400hrs

A turning point.

Its two weeks exactly since my accident and its the first day I've managed a proper crap on the bedpan. Felt like a weeks worth. I'm going to celebrate with a coke and then a beer.

The UK medical consultants phoned again today. They're keen to get me back to the UK but I'm not going anywhere until the risk of thrombosis has subsided. They've stopped the meds in the drip now too and so I'm on a fairly standard Ibuprofen and paracetamol mix every 4 hours. They've got some little green and white ones I can take in the night if the pain gets too much. These are in addition to the tablets to increase my red blood cells (as I lost a sh*t load to internal bleeding) and the blood thinning tablets to stop me from keeling over due to thrombosis.

The sleeping tablets arent worth a toss. I leave it as late as possible to take them, but I'm awake again by 0300hrs and too restless to sleep. The pain killers usually wear off about an hour before I get the next ones.

I'm going to try and get by without the sleeping tablets tonight. Apparently I've been on them for 9 days. I thought it was five.
Mias called in again today too. I havent mentioned him before. He's my shrink.

The hospital sent him to see me when I had a bit of an episode a few days into my stay.

He's worried about PTSD. Particularly as this is my second vehicle related near miss in the last couple of years. By rights, I shouldn't have walked away from either of them. Excuse the pun.

On a lighter note - I've managed to get the kitchen to switch the pilchards to springbok pie and chips. The menu is a seven day rolling one and there's a couple of days that I really cant stomach. The hot tuna flan is the other.

Saturday 19th March

Woohoo.

Got my hands on a laptop (thanks Rachel) and a borrowed dongle,- so I've just about enough time to get online and let some friends know about the accident.

2030hrs.......been doing some sums and I've calculated that I have now been laying in this bed for 433hours non stop.

All Good Things Come To an End...

Monday 21st March 0330hrs...
I am joined in my room by another patient. Up to now I have been fortunate enough to have a two man room to myself.

No idea what's wrong with him or where he's from. He doesnt appear injured, although they took some blood for a malaria test this morning.

I reckon he's European. He's not English or Afrikaans that's for sure.

Actually I wasn't entirely alone in my room before. I spotted a mouse run accross the floor yesterday. He kept poking his head out from underneath the other bed. Just so long as he doesnt get too comfy in my kit bag, or try and crawl under my sheets - I dont mind. The nurses have been chasing him from one room to another over the last few days. He's been spotted in the kitchen too. Some contractors left a door open and he's crept in from the garden.

Italian.

I said hello to him twice this moning but he wasn't having any of it. Not so much as a nod or a Ciao.

F*ck him.

I chuckled as his card wouldnt work in the portable machine. His insurers arent going to cough up either. Apparently - they say he isnt sick enough. The doctor cant find anything in his blood, and has noticed a mild urinary infection.

He looked one of those fragile types. There must have been seven Italians bombarding him and gesticulating this morning...IN MY ROOM.
My eye-tye isnt too good but by the sound of things - they think he should drag his sorry arse out of hospital ASAP. He wanted to stay but by mid day his stuff had been packed up and he'd left with his tail between his legs and a bill for N$8000.

"Ciao".

Solo again now. Thank goodness. I hadnt relished the thought of my bedpan issues with him laying 4ft away.

Scan scheduled for tomorrow and then hopeully a chair pretty soon afterwards. Still holding back on my expectations. I'm not healing too good. Got some cuts and grazes still and a few mozzie bites I got the other night have now gone septic. The spider bites (have I told you about those?) are still rotten too.

Small World

A chap came to have a few words whilst I was outside today. I'd asked the nurses to wheel my bed out in to the sunshine for a while.
I've seen him up and down the corridors and he looked familiar. An introduction confirmed this. It was Hu Berry. Former head honcho of the MET up at Etosha. I'd heard and read a lot about him over the last ten years or so and it was great to put a face to the name. We spent hours together over the next few days and it was great to have someone else to talk too. He knew some friends of mine up at Etosha and when I mentioned my work with EHRA - he knows Jo and Rachel too.

Nice chap.

He's in at the hospital with some troubles of his own. I'm certainly not going to elaborate, but I hope he makes a full recovery soon.

Tues 22nd March

The Big Day.

Scan looms, although the day didnt start well. I went without the sleeping tablets again last night and suffered for it. Held off on the painkillers too, so I was awake by around 0300hrs.

Mr Mouse is back. heard him rustling around in a carrier bag I have down on the floor. There's a Dairy Milk wrapper in there and he's after the chocolate. He's probably set up home amonst my socks and boxers. I'm butt naked (mostly) under the hospital gown and / or the bedclothes, so right now - at least someone is making use of them.

And so the regime rolls on...

...by 0530hrs this morning I've already had tea, meds and stats done.

1131hrs

Scan done. A surprisingly tricky transfer from my hospital bed to the scanner flatbed. I still needed help moving my legs as I could move them sideways on my own.
The doc is down at Walvis bay today so she wont be casting her eyes over the results until tomorrow. Hopes of a discharge by Friday are fading.

I've been slack with my physio over the past few days as I seem to be in increased pain.

1900hrs

Crap.

Ruan has been in and has had a cursory look a the scans. The smile went. Seems to be less healing than hoped. This will effect my ability to stand in the short term and possibly give some problems in the long term.

I'm just praying they dont decide to open me up.

Rewind; - its build week.

The Ethical Hedonist - EHRA from onethreemedia on Vimeo.

Build week.

I suppose I should explain why I'm here.

For the next 3 months I'll be working for EHRA. Elephant Human Relations Aid.

Its a charitable / not for profit organisation set up by my old desert stomping pal Johannes Haasbroek.

I'd been here before of course.

"Here" being out in the Ugab. Back in '98 I was here with Raleigh International. We were doing a survey of the flora and fauna in the river system. Covered about 180km or so from Sorris Sorris down to the sea. We also tracked and monitored the rare desert adapted Black Rhino and climbed the Brandberg.

"I'll be back" were my parting words as we said goodbye to each other down at Brandberg Wes SRT 9Sa Camp... and I've been getting nearer and nearer to a return with each visit to Namibia since I started going back in 2006.

So I'm here. Preparing to be the "Volunteer Coordinator".

Every two weeks we'll be getting a new group of volunteers that have come from all over the world to hug elephants....sorry, I mean take part in the de-confliction programmes and projects designed to help the local populations of both humans and elephants survive in this - the toughest of environments.

I'm actually doing all the volunteers a great dis-service. They really are a great bunch of dedicated, motivated and hard working people. I count them amonst my friends.

Each 2 week turnaround is broken down in to two phases. Phase One is build week.

Volunteers arrive on a Sunday and get Monday morning to head into town and buy any last supplies they think they'll need out in the bush. By lunchtime we've got the vehicles loaded and are heading out to the desert camp 286km of dirt road away.
We arrive in camp mid afternoon and the rest of the day is pretty hectic. All the food and supplies need to be sorted for the week ahead and the volunteers get their first meal cooked over the open fire. Its a well tried and practiced menu for the two weeks and everybody gets paired off to take a turn at the cooking.

Angela and Karen are up first with their version of Spaghetti Bolognese.

Its tricky. We have to cater for all sorts of food intolerances and day one is no exception. No tomatoes, no gluten, no mushrooms, no meat etc etc. You end up with a couple of extra pots on the fire or a carefully coreographed sequence of additions to the pot in order to satisfy everybody.

They got away with it - mostly. Pasta is actually one of the toughest things to get right when you are cooking for so many. We dont have the luxury of rinsing it under the hot tap to stop it sticking etc, so it soon starts to "set"!

Up early on the Tuesday and we head about 35km down river to De Rust. A small community with an exposed pump that draws water into their reservoir.
Fifteen bags of cement, shovels, wheelbarrows etc are all loaded onto the trailer, and our cooking pots, food, tents, sleeping kit etc are loaded on to the truck, along with the bare minimum of personal kit to see us through the week.
We'll be living rough - although some rougher than others. I've chosen to take one set of clothes other than the ones I'm standing in, and a toothbrush. There'll be no water for washing. We use the animals drinking trough to get the worst of the grime, cement dust and sweat off of us. More on this later.

So this is "Build Week". Tuesday to Saturday sweating and working your nuts off to build half a protective wall around the deisel pump that supplies the entire community with its life blood....clean water.

The building materials are local. We hump rocks from the nearby koppies and dig the sand from the river bed.

Its back breaking work

By mid day the temperature is over 40 degrees and you stop for lunch. Work starts again at around 1530hrs and its all you can do to scrape thru 'til around five. The only clean up you get is a quick splash down in the drinking trough. Take your T-shirt off and use it as a flannel. you didn't bring a towel and using soap is out of the question.
If you'r lucky, by the end of the week you'll have half a wall built. Its got to be a foot and a half think and up to your shoulders. Remember that its going to get a nudge from a four ton elephant. The entrance is just wide enough for a man to go through sideways. - Any wider than that and an elephant will be able to get a front foot and a shoulder in. From then on its history...

On to the wildlife...

The Mopane bees are a nightmare. They are the smallest of African bees and are actually quite harmless;- but they buzz around you incessantly. They drive you mad.

Then there are the scorpions.

Parabuthus.

The most venomous scorpions in southern Africa.

Here's what they say about them...

"It should be noted that all Parabuthus species have the potential to inflict serious symptoms. It must be noted that many human fatalities occur in rural areas where little or no medical attention is administered."




Nice little critters they aint. And did I mention that we're 286km from the hospital and we don't carry anti venom?

And the spiders.

I was bitten by a spider and had three wounds that simply wouldn't heal. Apart from the necrosis, they got infected (as did my blood) from the filthy trough water and proved to be a substantial problem. I would need to squeeze the puss from them daily and they would got ever deeper as the result of the secondary cellulitis.

A week or so later and the swolen area was the size of a cricket ball and felt like it was on fire. At the centre was the original bite area with the flesh gradually rotting away around it.

Afetr Build Week comes the weekend.

Saturday is used for washing your clothes and getting scrubbed up in the shower, and on Sunday we head into Uis (the local village) to get fresh food supplies, fuel, and a cold beer at the resthouse.

Monday takes us into Phase Two

Patrol Week.

I vital part of our work is to get out into the bush and monitor the health and welfare of the local herds.

They often wander into the communities and cause a bit of damage. Sometimes the elephants were there first, sometimes it was the farmers,- but either way, there needs to be a balance. All too often the herds are showing signs of distress or physical damage at the hand of those that feel they have been aggrieved. Provisionally we get reports of a dead or wounded elephant. Sometimes we come across a carcase. Its easy to point a finger - but it isn't me who feels his life or family are threatened.

We head out on a roving patrol and try to pick up spoor. If we're lucky we'll get to follow a herd, gradually getting closer and closer as the animals begin to feel more relaxed with the presence of the vehicles. We peel off at around 1700hrs and look for a suitable place to set up camp for the night. We find a koppie and put the tents right up close. The vehicles are on either end and front is protected by our fire Tents offer up a little privacy and some protection for the volunteers. An elephant wont stand on one.

Matthias, Neil and I will usually sleep in the open at the edge of camp. We'll be alerted first of any presence. If the weather turns we'll roll under a vehicle or under the kitchen tarp.

Neil will GPS log the locations of the herds and take as many identifying photos as possible.

It usually takes two groups to complete a wall and we try to vary the locations of the patrols so we can monitor several herds.

And so it goes;- until Thursday, when we head back to camp and prepare for the return to Swakopmund on the Friday. A nice dinner and a night out clubbing are usually followed by a semi hung over Saturday watching the rugby, or some vehicle maintenance and resupply. Sunday evening we meet the new group and then on Monday we head out to do it all again.

So thats how it went.

For two groups anyway.

On Tuesday 1st March we're heading out on our way to the second build site we have lined up. There are less of us this week - eleven all in; so we squeeze on to one truck and we load it to the gunnels. All up I reckon its about three and a half tons.

Its hectic in camp. hasty repairs and a problem with the fridges has put us behind schedule. All in all its a bit of a bodge. Neil isnt with us either. He's away on other duties trying to sort some community relations with the MET (Ministry of Environment and Tourism)

No worries though. Jess and I have it in hand and a number of the group have carried over. Tristan, Angela and Karen have signed on for the long term and they know the score pretty good too.

So we head out.

Build Week.

And at 1124hrs the shit well and truly hits the fan....